Oh nothing in their eyes, rather it was the creases I saw through when looking at their eyes. Nothing in their walk, but in mine as I tried to catch up or slow down to walk with them. Nothing in their speech rather in my listening, hearing, comprehension, memories of, and references to, that had shifted. I looked at their children, grandchildren or pictures of them and wondered where the years between us had gone. So many minutes we had spent together when young, so few in recent years. We have all gotten on with our lives and are all traveling different paths. Paths for me that rarely intersect.
Never once as a child did I think it would be so. Never once would I have believed I would be so. Choices and decisions, likes and dislikes, habits and training made or received when we were young have reached their long tentacles into my present. Some I can remember why others are now an inkling, a mystery.
Home For the Holidays?
I called my mother this year and said Mom I think I am all grown up! I am not shopping, cooking, or cleaning this holiday. Oh and no guests. Wow she said, no guest? Nope, not a one. The best plans no matter how well laid will be disrupted by a loving and well meaning grown up kid. I thought, finally, I was off the hook, but noooooo. I now have Great children who want to Share their children, and dogs, and memories of Christmas past. Ouch! But I was all grown up there for a moment, and I had plans to have no plans, and I did not want to spend my wee bit of free time doing anything but what I though I might do as I lay in the bed with the tv on, knitting, on my knee, my laptop on it's holder to my right, my note pad to my right just beyond the laptop, and my ice pack slipping off the inflamed area, popping the appropriate medication at the appropriate time. Shoot.
I want to rest, relax, retreat, not think, not cook, not read, not knit, not type, not answer questions or kid proof the house. Didn't I just do that for Thanksgiving? I just got my junk spread out where I could find it again. Rats, darn, dash it all. Of course once I see those little eyes and hear the chipper voices I will change my mind. But for right now I am holding fast to nooooooo. After all I will have to try to find all the little gifts I bought all year that I hid. Rats.
Now Where Can I Hide It?
I have spent the last ten plus years trying to find all the wonderful fabric, rulers, and scissors. I found 22 pair, must have five duplicates of some and have relegated others to the paper cutting bin. I have decided as I am getting close to 36+ years with this dear man, that I have finally grown up enough, or found my right mind, or had an epiphany, enough therapy, or just felt one day, what the heck I work every day, I deserve to do, be, have, or some such nonsense, my art work and supplies without hiding everything worrying about someone else's opinion, his, theirs, mine upsetting my artistic flow. Especially since every time I packed up my things and put them away it took a shopping trip to reenergize myself again...am I rambling? ?Well at least I am not shopping. LOLROTF.
Me & My Stash
|Displayed at MIT at an art show I curated.|